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Airline humor

Cockpit crews spend so much time just looking into a dark sky that telling jokes and anecdotes is a proven  method to stay awake.

airline abbreviations

AA (American Airlines) - Always Awful

AI (Air India) - Allah Informed

ALITALIA - Always Late In Takeoff Always Late In Arrival ,Air Line In Tokyo And Luggage In Amsterdam

BOAC (British Overseas Airways Corp.) - Better On A Camel ,Bloody Old and Careless

CA (China Airlines) - Choose Another

CAAC (Civil Aviation Authority of China ?) - Chinese Airline Always Canceled , China Airlines Almost (Always) Crashes

CPA (Canadian Airl.Intl.) - Can't Promise Anything (New code CAI) - Crash And Ignite, Call Ambulance Immediately, Circle Airport Indefinitely, Cruise Above Iceland, Cancel Alaskan Itinerary, Call Attendants "Idiots", Check All Items, Copilots Are Imbeciles, Casual Atmosphere Inside

DELTA - Don't Even Leave The Airport, Don't Ever Leave The Airport, Don't Even Let Them Aboard (referring to the arabs?), Departing Even Later Than Anticipated

EAL (Eastern) - Eastern's Always Late

ELAL - Every Landing Always Late

JAT (Yugoslav Airlines)- Joke About Time

KLM = Koop Lockheed Majesteit (Buy Lockheed, Your majesty, after the Lockheed bribe scandal which involved HRH Prince Bernhard of the Netherlands)

LOT (Polish Airlines) - Last One There, Luggage On Tarmack (wave 'bye!)

LUFTHANSA - Let Us Fuck The Horses, Are No Stewardesses Available

PA (Philippine Airways)- Please Avoid

PAL (Phil. Airlines) - Philippines Always Late

PAN AM - Plan On Arriving Nervewracked And Mad

PIA (Pakistan Intl.Airl) - Please Inform Allah, Panic In Air ,Perhaps I Arrive

QANTAS - Queer And Nasty Types As Stewards

SABENA (Belgium) - Such A Bloody Experience, Never Again, Such A Bad Experience, Never Again

SAHSA (Servicio Aero Honduras SA) - Stay At Home, Stay Alive

SAS (Scandinavian Airl. System) - Sweet And Sexy, Sex And Service

SIA (Singapore Intl.Airl.) - So Incredible, Aah

TACA - Take A Chance Airline

TAP (Portuguese Airl.) - Take Another Plane

TRANSAVIA - To Rape A New Stewardess After V1 Is Allowed.

TWA (Transworld Airl.) - Travel Without Arrival, Try Walking, Asshole , Try Walking Again, The Worst Airline, Took Wrong Airline, Try Walking Across (transatlantic perspective), Travel With Arabs, Terrorist Welcome Aboard, Terrorists With Arms, Teenie Weenie Airlines, Traveling Without Air, Tiny Wings Aflappin , Time Waste Airlines

Usair - Unfortunately, Still Alleghany In Reality

pilot humor

On a small commuter flight one sunny day, the captain was told that his passengers were nervous about being on a "small airplane." He decided to take action: "Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain. I have been informed that some of you are nervous about being on a 'little' plane. Well, let me assure you, there is nothing to worry about, just sit back and take it easy. It might be helpful to do some sight seeing to put your mind at ease. Now, if you'll all lean and look out over the right wing of the airplane....it'll tip over! Hahahahaha!! Just a little pilot humor..."

deadheading crew

Have you ever been on a plane and seen some uniformed pilots sitting in the passenger cabin? This is not at all uncommon, since most airlines at one time or another need pilots to cover a flight at an airport other than the one at which they're based. When pilots ride this way as passengers, this is known in the industry as "deadheading." In some cases, due to weather, mechanical problems, or crew flight-time legalities crews are called out at the very last moment to catch a deadheading flight. And so begins our story...

While taxiing out for takeoff, the Boeing 727 suddenly came to a stop. With the aircraft still on the taxiway, the flight attendant in the back began to lower the aft stairway. Behind the plane, a van with flashing lights came to a screeching halt and out jumped three deadheading pilots. They grabbed their bags and ran to the plane.

As they ran up the stairs, the pilot in front continued running up the aisle shouting, "I can't believe the stewardess got the plane this far. I didn't know she even knew how to start the engines!"

For a number of passengers it took quite some time before they realized they had been had by these jokers, you couldn't believe the startled looks on their faces!

gear pins installed

While taxiing out in sequence behind a Lufthansa airliner at Frankfurt, a C-130 crew noticed an orange "Remove before flight" streamer hanging out of the Lufthansa nose wheel well (their nose gear locking pin was still installed). Not wanting to cause too much embarrassment by going thru the controller, the 130 crew simply called the Lufthansa aircraft on the tower frequency: "Lufthansa aircraft, Herky 23." No reply.

They repeated the transmission and again there was no reply. Instead, the Lufthansa pilot called the tower and asked the tower to tell the Herky crew that "the professional pilots of Lufthansa do not engage in unprofessional conversations over the radio."

The 130 pilot quickly replied, "Frankfurt tower, can you please relay to the professional pilots of the Lufthansa aircraft that their nose gear pin is still installed?"